So the other day I had the school newspaper staff ask me something surprisingly baffling… what am I thankful for?
And I felt ashamed that I had to think about it. But I had to think about it because I’ve been so thankful for everything in my life that it’s hard to pick just one. How do you sum a hectic existence into one sentence: “I am thankful for ____.”
And I know I need to be thankful. Positivity gets me through the day. It makes me remember that there are good things in my life. Yeah, there are bad, but what’s so wonderful about the bad? There’s an infinite amount of good and bad that can occur. Just like I never focus on what ISN’T done – because there’s an infinite amount of things I did not do that day. Why? Because I’m human. I can’t do everything.
But I did get out of bed, I do have a roof over my head with heat, I do have fuzzy pajama pants on and headphones over my ears and a laptop in my lap. For that, I am thankful. My family has never entirely struggled financially – and for that I am grateful in such a dying economy. I may not have a $500 phone, a $1,000 laptop or expensive things, but you know what? Who cares? I don’t need any of that. My rinky-dink $20 phone works just fine and so does my $200 laptop. So what if I seek out major sales in stores to get the best price I possibly can?
I may spend my money on things other people laugh at… ahem, books, pencils, USB’s, notebooks… the works. But, eh. I can have one ‘guilty’ pleasure, can’t I? And I am very price-conscious on that stuff, too.
The next thing I’d like to focus on is my parents. Sure, my mom can be a little thick-headed and it took me being suicidal in a public place to get help. But parents are flawed – they only want to see the best in their children, despite all the harsh criticism they may give. As a young kid, my mom always had me doing chores and helping around the house. Now, I don’t have an allowance, but why would I need one? If I do what she wants done, she pays for my gas, helps me buy clothes, and other things. I think that’s way more than fair if you ask me.
Also, my mother and father have been through every single step of my diagnoses. They’ve been so supportive when doctors are not and helped me when I was feeling pathetic. When I was called a hypochondriac? Who told off the pediatrician? My mother. Who let me cry when I was made to feel so pathetic? My mother. Who still loved and respected me when she discovered I self-harmed and had been suicidal? My parents. They pay for my therapy, they bring me to the chiropractor, they let me go to physical therapy, they cart me around to all these different hospitals for different tests and appointments just so I can find answers.
For that, I am definitely eternally grateful.
Without the people I fortunately ran into throughout my life, be it teachers or strangers or doctors or friends, I would not be where I am today. I would not be accepted to a very selective all-women’s school with a $16k annual scholarship and the admission’s counselor keeping in touch with me for other scholarships to help me. Without them, I would not have the heart to take two AP classes or struggle through every single day, even when it feels hopeless. Without them, who knows where I would be. The guidance counselors who have listened to my hours of ranting, my first AP teacher who embraced me and let me cry and flail and freak out and helped me through so much, my English teacher who let me hand in my Research Paper 3 weeks late because I couldn’t focus, my other teachers who said they’re there for me. That they understand. I could never thank every individual in my life enough – never.
And to each and every one of my friends, you know who you are, I thank you so freaking much. Because before my parents were there for me, before the teachers, before the doctors, before anyone, you were there. You took my phone calls of me bawling that I want to die. You’re the ones who let me rant and kick and scream while the doctors told me ‘nothing was wrong’. You were the ones who kept me sane and helped me laugh. You kept me in a good mood and gave me motivation to keep going, you know? I can’t do it without you – I couldn’t. And the thought of leaving you all for college is a very scary thought. Many kids my age don’t have the friends I do – and I’ll always remember that – remember you. No matter what. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for the hugs, thank you for the shoulder to lean on (literally), thank you for handling my brain farts and bad days and good and taking them all in such a package. Really. I can never ever ever thank you enough. Thank you so much.
Although I may have a crappy life medically, I really do have some of the best people ever to have entered my life at such a young age. And to the followers who deal with my long rambles and those yet to come, I also thank you for giving the time to read my posts and feeling that I’m important enough to hit that ‘Follow’ button.
And that, that long massive babble above, is what I am grateful for.