I Swear I Did Not Die

I knew I had this blog! I’ve just been so damn busy that I’ve been flailing like a madwoman.

But I do have one thing to say.

I am in contact with an agent and might get published so I’ll keep in touch!!! Blissful Ignorance might be in stores one day! :D:D

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The Writing Challenge: Day 3

Write about the worst time you’ve ever put your foot in your mouth.


I… I don’t… I don’t regret – no, let me reword that. I tuck regrets away in a little chest towards the back of  my mind. I try to ignore them as much as possible, only taking the lessons that come with them. Regret is something that merely weighs me down and halts me in my process of becoming a better person.

I view to be myself a good person. I curse, I can be loud, obnoxious, but I won’t lie to you. I’ll give you the truth whether you want it or not. I don’t sugarcoat. But I’ll love you until the day I die with my heart body and soul if you become a close person in my life. Personally, I do not regret the ‘blunt’ or ‘harsh’ things I say – because if I don’t say them…who will? I can be soft for friends, don’t get me wrong, but I won’t sit back and pat someone’s back when they can fix it and I know how. I don’t work that way.

So, sadly, you won’t get some awesome embarrassing story about me saying something I totally regret. I’m too careful and censored to say a whole lot of stupid, serious things.


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Writing Challenge: Day 2

Day 2 – Tell about a character who lost something important to him/her.

Hm. Well, I can think of one thing my character, Star, lost that was so near and dear to her heart – her family. Star, the FMC of my novel Claimed by the Silver Star, is an eccentric young lady who lived in a religious home with loving parents and nice siblings. She had good friends and although, an odd life, her family was so good to her. When she got her abilities, they remained a secret, for fear of Star being shunned. Her parents were ideal. It was… incredible, really, how much her family adored her. This is also represented ALL throughout the book, and Star isn’t ashamed of it.

Although the reader will never personally meet her parents, I feel that they will be very familiar with them as outside characters. Her mother simply sobbed and said God loved her, and she saved her father’s life – something he will never forget. And then she loses that barrier of perfection and love and kindness and is tossed into the real world without a cushion. So, in losing her family, Star loses so much more than just the tangible loved ones – she loses her security, her protection, her ignorance, and in result she is forced to either change and adapt and grow up quickly, or remain childish and die.


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Blissful Ignorance

So.. my blog is all about writing and I haven’t even mentioned my novel very much, have I? Well, Blissful Ignorance is the novel I did for NaNo and I expect to get done around mid-December. The editing will begin in January, hopefully. If I keep up to schedule. On NaNo, this is the synopsis:

Blissful Ignorance bookcover 2

Okay, so maybe getting kidnapped one late evening wasn’t on Ambrose’s to-do list, but apparently it was on theirs. Is kidnapped even the right term? They insisted she was being ‘protected’ even though she couldn’t step one foot out of line.
And then there’s that whole issue with Heaven and Hell, sinner and not, and then there’s her. Right smack in the middle.
And, to put the icing on the cake of crap, she’s illegal. That’s right – she’s not supposed to exist. So, then why the heck are these angels trying to protect her? She’s a piece of Heaven and Hell – a virtue and a sin – wrapped in a package of a young woman with a fierce attitude and snarky personality. And, being illegal and all, Ambrose finds herself being chased by a few that have placed a bounty on her head – apparently because her existence was a problem. And even the strongest demon along the East Coast can make mistakes…

So in the novel, there’s descendants of angels and demons – of the seven virtues and deadly sins. It’s to keep a balance and make sure each is given a chance because without competition, it wouldn’t be what it is, right? These half-angels and half-demons can reproduce, obviously, and make more half-angels and half-demons. Cross-breeding, as it’s called, is not legal in the slightest. Because there’s a problem.

The angels and demons don’t have entire free will – they’re kept in line. However, when a demon and angel come together and make a crossbreed, that crossbreed has total free will. It has almost unlimited strength and ability AND free will. This is a dangerous combination. And they’re common – just usually readily disposed of. But not this time. Ambrose, for some reason, is kept alive. She’s a middleman in a huge battle about to occur in the good US of A. Now, I could go all into the plot and give away spoilers, but that’s no fun.

And that right above was my NaNo^^ which was very fun to write.


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The Writing Challenge: Day 1

Day 1 —Select a book at random in the room.  Find a novel or short story, copy down the last sentence and use this line as the first line of your new story.

Dean Koontz : False Memory (one of my favorite novels)

His life was going to be busy for a while. Considering the coyotes has ventured close enough to hurt a few of his hens and tick off the rooster, Luke expected to be spending a few nights out in the woods hunting for the pack. If he could at least scare them off before they actually killed some of the livestock, he could do it. And his father couldn’t…

Luke pulled on the jacket and stuffed the last sandwich into the bag as the sun was drifting beyond the mountains and trees, granting the world another several hours of darkness. It would be a full moon tonight which would be easier for him. He didn’t need to tromp up on something half blind.

He shuffled around the dining table in the small, homey kitchen with light blue walls and snagged his bag, making his way to the back door. He was tying his shoes when he heard the crash. Hens were squealing loudly and he burst out the door, bringing the shotgun level with his shoulder and looking around.One of the hens was flapping around the small pen with the coyote watching it with morbid curiosity. Luke crept up and raised the gun again, and aimed.

When the bullets came into contact with it, it turned into dust.

Then there was a young girl with pursed lips standing outside the pen. The white dress she wore was tattered but her silky blond hair was up in a bonnet. Startled, he took a small step back and opened his mouth to yell.

“Well, that wasn’t very nice,” she quipped suddenly. “I wasn’t killing them!”

Luke opened his jaw and shut it several times unsure as to how to respond. The girl took a few steps forward and winced, blood suddenly dripping down from her arm.

“And you actually got me!” she whined. “How dare you!”

“Wha… what are you?!” he finally found his voice and raised the gun again. The girl flicked the blood from her fingers and her eyes suddenly grew hard and cold. She dared a step forward and folded her hands behind her.

“I’m an angel of death,” she smiled and showed her razor, bloodied teeth. “And you will pay for injuring me.”

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End of NaNo Begins the Challenge!

So I won NaNoWriMo with 52 thousand words. I’m very proud of myself… first time I’ve ever won NaNo. But I like to keep my steam up. So I do writing challenges when I’m not busy with writing novels frantically. So this month I’m doing the classic 30 Month Writing Prompt Challenge that can be found at this link:

This Awesome Website~

Anyways, I’ll probably be posting what I do each day and today is this:

Day 1 —Select a book at random in the room.  Find a novel or short story, copy down the last sentence and use this line as the first line of your new story.

I’ll probably have that by tonight. Hope you enjoy~



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Why Write?

I am at 47, 356 words and three days left. NaNoWriMo is a wonderful excuse for me to let out all the words into a spewed document that somehow makes up a story. But especially as I near the end and can boast my 50,000 madness in thirty days… people ask constantly – why? How can someone write thousands upon thousands of words and enjoy it?

I believe that every single individual has insecurities and hardships in his/her life. The way you express these through writing is all entirely up to the person. I have a friend writing a novel consisting entirely of one-sided letters to a friend, another with entirely fantasy of her FMC entirely discovering herself. Some write fiction, some nonfiction, some every little genre in between.

As followers know, I have fibromyalgia and anxiety. I feel trapped in a body I do not want. I feel held back and scorned for having to struggle every day in a prison cell of a life and try and remain positive. Many, many of my novels are about a main character overcoming many obstacles and coming out shining brightly despite all the physical and real things holding her back.

It’s just my way of coping and giving myself hope that I can do it. Internally – I know I can do it. But it’s hard. So I smother these unspoken fears in fiction. When I write, nothing holds me back. My character can do anything I can dream of and there’s absolutely no boundaries unless I make them. Which is…freedom. Something I do not physically have – but I do mentally. And I will go to the ends of the earth to protect that freedom.

I can’t tell you how constantly I hear readers say they’ll never be like their favorite MC or anything like that. That’s not true. Those demons that MC fights? Anxiety – triggers, struggles, the misunderstanding, the scorn, the public mimicry. It’s all it is. You can make any event in a book into a form in your life. You fight these monsters every day, whether it’s poverty, loneliness, depression, anxiety, chronic illness, disease, cancer, ANYTHING. You battle your own monsters.

You may not get the epic fight like you imagine, but you really do. Overcoming anxiety is not easy, escaping depression is HELL, hell… sometimes I wonder if I’m slightly bipolar because my characters can never make up their minds between sides. They always struggle with the decision. Who knows? But I do know that I throw my frustration out onto paper.

No one in this world is weak. Everyone has battled and overcome obstacles and are at this little location because YOU fought for it. So don’t tell me, don’t tell anyone you’ll never be like your main character. And, for the love of everything, if you want something a certain way… you need to fight for it. You want that drool-worthy romance? You’ll need patience – you’ll need to wait. You advocate for yourself every day you get out of bed and brace yourself for the humility society has become.

So you haven’t battled that demon, or that monster… but you’ve done something much more. You’ve defeated something that can’t be stabbed, can’t be destroyed with a tangible weapon.

That is why I write. That’s why I will always write.

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The Dreaded Writer’s Block

So I was doing awesome this NaNo. I got 31,000 words before running into the first rut in the road. Technically, I know what I want to do AFTER this broken bridge, but seriously… who wants to go through the effort of building the bridge?!

Now hopefully that’s not your scenario… But if it is, kudos to you if you fix that mess.

So I’m going to show a few different ways you can. They’re just a few tips to help ‘put some pieces’ back together.

  1. Different POV                                                                                                                                            This is what I try to do first. Get a new sheet of paper, find someone else in that scene in which your stuck, and write it in their point of view. This can help create diversity and change and also surge the novel forward and slam down the missing pieces of wood and wala! Writer’s block defeated.
  2. Go back and try again!                                                                                                                                                    Are you sure you wrote your plot properly? Did you forget to place that stupid pencil EXACTLY where it needs to go? Forget to mention how dangerous someone or something looks? Did you put the desk at the wrong end of the room? Not to fret! Simply go back and fix simple mistakes — this often mends the bridge all on its own. Those stupid little details usually actually do have a purpose… sadly.
  3. Take a break.                                                                                                                                                    This may sound entirely stupid… but it works. Leave what you’re writing for maybe half an hour…to however long it takes. Drink a coffee, watch some TV, go for a walk, do some chores you’ve neglected…sleep… do something to take your mind off the novel. Give your brain a little bit to refill on creative juices and return. Hey, it works!
  4. Write, write, write!  This is entirely true. So don’t give up! If all else fails, just keep writing. Shove through that stupid writer’s block. Sometimes it’s not even a bridge… it’s a wall… or worse, a cliff. And if it’s a cliff, tunnel deep through it and eventually you’ll find the light. The writing for that section may be utter crap, but you got through it!

And once you break down the wall, dig through the tunnel, or repair the bridge… it’s smooth sailing until the next. Keep on writing!





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What am I Thankful For?

So the other day I had the school newspaper staff ask me something surprisingly baffling… what am I thankful for?

And I felt ashamed that I had to think about it. But I had to think about it because I’ve been so thankful for everything in my life that it’s hard to pick just one. How do you sum a hectic existence into one sentence: “I am thankful for ____.”

And I know I need to be thankful. Positivity gets me through the day. It makes me remember that there are good things in my life. Yeah, there are bad, but what’s so wonderful about the bad? There’s an infinite amount of good and bad that can occur. Just like I never focus on what ISN’T done – because there’s an infinite amount of things I did not do that day. Why? Because I’m human. I can’t do everything.

But I did get out of bed, I do have a roof over my head with heat, I do have fuzzy pajama pants on and headphones over my ears and a laptop in my lap. For that, I am thankful. My family has never entirely struggled financially – and for that I am grateful in such a dying economy. I may not have a $500 phone, a $1,000 laptop or expensive things, but you know what? Who cares? I don’t need any of that. My rinky-dink $20 phone works just fine and so does my $200 laptop. So what if I seek out major sales in stores to get the best price I possibly can?

I may spend my money on things other people laugh at… ahem, books, pencils, USB’s, notebooks… the works. But, eh. I can have one ‘guilty’ pleasure, can’t I? And I am very price-conscious on that stuff, too.

The next thing I’d like to focus on is my parents. Sure, my mom can be a little thick-headed and it took me being suicidal in a public place to get help. But parents are flawed – they only want to see the best in their children, despite all the harsh criticism they may give. As a young kid, my mom always had me doing chores and helping around the house. Now, I don’t have an allowance, but why would I need one? If I do what she wants done, she pays for my gas, helps me buy clothes, and other things. I think that’s way more than fair if you ask me.

Also, my mother and father have been through every single step of my diagnoses. They’ve been so supportive when doctors are not and helped me when I was feeling pathetic. When I was called a hypochondriac? Who told off the pediatrician? My mother. Who let me cry when I was made to feel so pathetic? My mother. Who still loved and respected me when she discovered I self-harmed and had been suicidal? My parents. They pay for my therapy, they bring me to the chiropractor, they let me go to physical therapy, they cart me around to all these different hospitals for different tests and appointments just so I can find answers.

For that, I am definitely eternally grateful.

Without the people I fortunately ran into throughout my life, be it teachers or strangers or doctors or friends, I would not be where I am today. I would not be accepted to a very selective all-women’s school with a $16k annual scholarship and the admission’s counselor keeping in touch with me for other scholarships to help me. Without them, I would not have the heart to take two AP classes or struggle through every single day, even when it feels hopeless. Without them, who knows where I would be. The guidance counselors who have listened to my hours of ranting, my first AP teacher who embraced me and let me cry and flail and freak out and helped me through so much, my English teacher who let me hand in my Research Paper 3 weeks late because I couldn’t focus, my other teachers who said they’re there for me. That they understand. I could never thank every individual in my life enough – never.

And to each and every one of my friends, you know who you are, I thank you so freaking much. Because before my parents were there for me, before the teachers, before the doctors, before anyone, you were there. You took my phone calls of me bawling that I want to die. You’re the ones who let me rant and kick and scream while the doctors told me ‘nothing was wrong’. You were the ones who kept me sane and helped me laugh. You kept me in a good mood and gave me motivation to keep going, you know? I can’t do it without you – I couldn’t. And the thought of leaving you all for college is a very scary thought. Many kids my age don’t have the friends I do – and I’ll always remember that – remember you. No matter what. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for the hugs, thank you for the shoulder to lean on (literally), thank you for handling my brain farts and bad days and good and taking them all in such a package. Really. I can never ever ever thank you enough. Thank you so much.

Although I may have a crappy life medically, I really do have some of the best people ever to have entered my life at such a young age. And to the followers who deal with my long rambles and those yet to come, I also thank you for giving the time to read my posts and feeling that I’m important enough to hit that ‘Follow’ button.

And that, that long massive babble above, is what I am grateful for.

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Disappearing Acts

I am experiencing baffling symptoms and problems that must be solved. I can’t live with constant dizziness and falling over and pulsing in my head and headaches. I can’t keep missing school. I can’t just be stopped.

These past two weeks, I have had about six to ten doctor’s appointments to figure out what this is. I went to an ENT, who said I need lots of different tests to play the process of elimination.

So I apologize for vanishing, although I do hope you wish me luck in finding a solution.


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